A Little Taste of Job

I posted this yesterday on our family blog and thought I should share with y'all.

These past couple weeks have been dooseys. I've had a few health problems which all collided this week making it Job-worthy (at least to me). So here's the back story:

Problem 1---My knees.. and NECK? Go figure. I've always had bad knees; chalk it up to the genes (my mom and aunt both had knee surgery growing up). It really hasn't been a big deal; I get an occasional ache here or there and then it passes. Well, back in March my left knee started clicking when I went upstairs. I didn't think it was a big deal, until it started hurting. So, I scheduled an appointment with a Chiropractor. While I was there I mentioned a constant neck pain that I have; again I didn't think anything of it. They took x-rays of my knees and neck and found bone spurs in my knees and severe whiplash in my neck (FYI: never go on the Boomerang ride at Seven Peaks in Provo, UT---that's when I got my whiplash). WHAT? So much for being minor things; my chiropractor was more worried about my neck, so I currently go to the chiropractor once every two weeks because, frankly, that's all we can afford.

Since she didn't really do anything about my knees, I took that problem to our family practice doctor. I ended up getting MRIs around both knees. It showed no bone spurs (whew) but some kind of problem with both my meniscus and one ACL and it also showed the beginning stages of arthritis----great.... So he referred me to Physical Therapy. I've actually enjoyed it a lot; I've learned exercises to do at home and I'm in my last couple of weeks (good thing because we're going to Seattle next week...wow...next week...). The clicking is now occasional and I hope it goes bye-bye soon.

Problem 2----umm...well... I won't go into great detail with this one but I've had more issues with Annabelle, feeding her and clogging. For a couple of months I got into the pattern of getting a clot or two a week, thinking about calling my OBGYN and then the next day it'd go away. Finally, a couple weeks ago, I gave in and called her office. They wanted to see me IMMEDIATELY--- so after begging my amazing neighbor/friend to watch Jared for a couple more hours (thanks again) Belle and I were off to see the doctor. She took one look at me and said, yeah, you have an infection, but they took a sample just to be safe. A week later, just after finishing my first round of medications, her office calls and says the culture came back resistant to the medication I just finished so they are prescribing me a stronger one... great.... unfortunately... that leads to problem three... we think...

Problem 3----REALLY? In the middle of problem two, I get a weird leg rash. So I go to my dermatologist and he gives me more medications---- Yikes! That goes away after applying my meds for a day, so I stop, which is what he told me to do. This past Saturday, after romping around in a grass field for family pictures (stay tuned for those) I noticed at home, that I had a small allergic reaction around my armpits, so I take a benadryl and think nothing of it--- until it wakes me up in the middle of the night because I'm itching subconsciously. Sunday morning, it was bad, luckily I was able to cover it up for church and hope it didn't get worse. Greg and a friend gave me a blessing and it was the first thing that really helped all day. I felt like it would get better, and it did, before it got worse. By night fall, I had it on my legs too....and by the next morning it got larger on my arms and on my torso.

Nothing really helped the burning itching pain and it never went away. So, yesterday, I went back to the dermatologist. He determined that I'm having a reaction to my stronger antibiotic that I stared taking a couple days before the rash appeared. So, he gives me something to stop the reaction and tells me to stop taking the medicine. I call my OBGYN to get the okay to take my new medication while feeding Belle, and she gives me a new one for my infection---one that I'm not allergic to *crosses fingers*.

Mostly I'm typing this up because I want to document what I've been going through the past couple of months. I'm not doing it to complain (okay, maybe a little). I've had a hard time trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this, because I found myself thinking 'one of these things I can handle, but all of this, come ON!' I started to understand, even in the smallest form what Job had to have been feeling when trial after trial came his way. After starting to throw a pity party, I always found myself coming back to the Savior; it didn't help at all that our lesson was all about the Atonement.

Yeah, I've had worse pain. Ovarian cyst---worse. Labor--- WAY worse. But, in that moment I felt helpless because nothing was helping. Until I remembered the One person who's felt it all. Not only does he know exactly what physical pain I've been through, but also the emotional trials along with it. He can take it away. Yesterday, when I was having issues with all of this, I got I church gem in my inbox titled: "severe trials, supreme blessings" My first thought was, what? really? It was from President Uchtdorf's talk from last priesthood session. He was talking about the Kirtland era of Church History and how it was a time of great trial but also great blessings, he then said: " 'Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me' (D&C 88:63). As the Saints of Kirtland drew near unto the Lord, He truly did draw near unto them, pouring out the blessings of heaven upon the heads of the faithful."

Of course, the emotional basket case that I am, I cried as soon as I read that and said, 'message received.' I'll do my best, even though it may seem small, because I know I can get through what this life brings with my family, my faith, and the Lord by my side.

A New Life!

This week has been a week full of wonder and love. Our baby boy was born this past Wednesday and we are in utter amazement at his sweet little life. We are grateful that he is healthy and here safe in our family. Today I wanted to share some thoughts from my husband about the birth. I was so touched by his perspective that I thought it would be wonderful to share with all of you. He said the following:

Spiritually speaking, there exists no better example of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and parallel suffering of our Heavenly Father. Meagan, in her beautiful own way, suffered selflessly for another who was powerless to help himself. I had to watch and reassure and love Meagan and baby as best as I could having no power to relieve their suffering. Heavenly Father, on the other hand, had all power to stop his Son's suffering and had to exercise Godly restraint to stay His almighty hand to allow Christ's sacrifice for us to be efficacious. In the end, Meagan was delivered victorious from her suffering, Bennett's deliverance was complete, and Meagan enabled a sparkling new soul to live a life full of joy in a way profoundly similar to what Christ has done for us.

I don't know if my words do the thought justice, but that's what I learned and I learned it in a more intense and beautiful way than I have ever before experienced. Welcome Bennett, we love you forever.

Now, meet baby Bennett:

Compensated for Every Tear

I am truly amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. It is unbelievable how much pain one person can endure and still survive it somehow- that our bodies don't explode under all the pressure of it is truly miraculous.

I have heard the quote "you're stronger than you think you are", and this week I gained a personal testimony that it is true for every one of us. We really can deal with ANYTHING in this life, and still Christ endured more. And he didn't break under the pressure of it. His strength gives us the power to overcome our hardships without breaking too.

Every time I think I've reached my limit of what I can bear, I realize that I really am strong enough to bear whatever things I encounter in life, because God doesn't give us more than we can bear. If it WAS more than I could bear, what would I expect to happen to anyway? Even if I passed out from the stress, I would still be normal again eventually and will have passed through it.

I just feel so empowered by the Savior's atonement for me, and the knowledge that there really isn't anything I CAN'T bear with Him. Because everything "comes to pass" and eventually, I have passed through it, and I'm okay again.

I love the scriptures Joseph Smith wrote during his stay in Liberty jail under those awful circumstances. He offers up a pleading prayer to Heavenly Father, asking him "Where art thou??" And Heavenly Father's response is so kind and gentle, and reassuring. "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou enure it well, God shall exalt thee on high." Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8

I felt this the other night when my heart was heavy with some of the devastating news I've been dealing with for the past little while- I felt the Savior's reassurance that He understands, and that He is anxious to wipe away my tears and gather me into His arms when this life of pain and hardship is over.

If you haven't read "Come What May and Love it"- it was the last conference talk given by Elder Wirthlin before he died, Nov 2008 Ensign, and I highly suggest reading it again. My favorite quote from that talk is: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

And that concept that we will be blessed even for enduring hard things is beautiful to me.

God Has Given Me...

Um...I don't even know where to begin after reading those last two posts...

Monday we received some very bad news. As my husband put it, "our little angel was not meant to come to earth at this time." It's been very hard to start out the week as a soon-to-be mama and to end it as a woman who had a miscarriage.

But I am so grateful for the lists of awesome things that God has done for my husband and I that I shared with you last week. Although I am filled with all kinds of anger and sadness right now, I still know that God is fighting for me. Nate and I have such great family, friends and workplaces that have been supportive and understanding at such an awful time. And although my prayers have been mostly tears this week, God has seen each and every one of them and is providing a way to wipe them all away.

If there were anyone who would know the pain of losing a loved one, it would be our loving Heavenly Father. He so loved the world He gave the world His Only Begotten Son that we might have eternal lives. He suffered loss so that in the eternities, we would never have to fully suffer it ourselves. I understand that sacrifice know more than ever now and I am eternally grateful for it.

The Reason for the Season

I have been typing away for a while at this computer, and cannot get my thoughts to make sense in the written form, so though I would like to expound much more, I cannot. My thoughts have been regarding Mary the mother of Jesus. After each miracle she experienced or witnessed she held the experience close and pondered it in her heart. Every time I read that it floors me. And this is where I can't make any sense except in my own mind.

So, I would like to share with you instead something a dear friend of mine taught me last night. Malinda (my friend) was getting ready to teach her Gospel Principles class when she came across the question "what does repentance mean to you?" and she began thinking of that. Really, what did it mean to her.

I am not going to go into her experience much (if you would like to read it, go here) but I am going to share her scriptural thought. When the angels appeared the night the Savior was born
they declared they brought good tidings of great joy. She said that the glad tidings is the Gospel of Jesus Christ... the Good News. And the gospel is the Atonement of Christ. It's the fact that we can return to live with Him and our Father. And the Great Joy is Repentance. Because it is only through repentance that we can become clean. What a wonderful thought. A few years back I had the epiphany that the only reason we do celebrate Christmas is because of the Atonement. Without it, nothing would matter. There would be no reason for this season. How grateful I am for that.

And now, I leave you with a wonderful Christmas video Tricia emailed me. We thought that everyone would enjoy it. Merry Christmas and I hope the Spirit of Christ was with you all day, and can continue to be with you throughout your lives.

Thankful

I know I post a lot of videos, or refer to a lot of other blogs. Sorry about that. But I have to post this! I have to! In honor of Thanksgiving (I surely love that holiday) I think it is important to stop and think of all the things I am thankful for. Here is what some random people on the streets of New York are thankful for:


I am most thankful for the creation of life, and most importantly, for the atonement.

Lifting Burdens

An Important Lesson on the Atonement

There is a book that I have had recommended to me in almost every Institute class that I've ever been in called "Believing Christ" by Stephen E. Robinson. This book opened my eyes to an understanding of how the Atonement actually works and I wanted to share a part of it with you.

" All the negative aspects of human existence brought about by the Fall, Jesus Christ absorbed into himself. He experienced vicariously in Gethsemane all the private griefs and heartaches, all the physical pains and handicaps, all the emotional burdens and depressions of the human family. He knows the loneliness of those who don't fit in or who aren't handsome or pretty. He knows what it's like to choose up teams and be the last one chosen. He knows the anguish of parents whose children go wrong. He knows the private hell of the abused child or spouse. He knows all these things personally and intimately because he lived them in the Gethsemane experience. Having personally lived a perfect life, he then chose to experience our imperfect lives. In the infinite Gethsemane experience , the meridian of time, the center of eternity, he lived a billion billion lifetimes of sin, pain, disease, and sorrow."

"God uses no magic wand to simply wave bad things into nonexistence. The sins that he remits, he remits by making them his own and suffering them. The pain and heartaches that he relieves, he relieves by suffering them himself. These things can be shared and absorbed, but they cannot be simply wished or waved away. They must be suffered. Thus we owe him not only for our spiritual cleansing from sin, but our physical, mental, and emotional healings as well, for he has borne these infirmities for us also. All that the Fall put wrong, the Savior in his atonement puts right. It is all part of his infinite sacrifice--of his infinite gift."

I cannot imagine what it would be like to feel the pain of even one other person and yet Christ chose to take all of our sorrows and heartaches and unfairness from us by absorbing them all into himself. I'm grateful for a Savior who was not only prepared, but obedient enough to do that so that we might be relieved of our own lifetime of sin and live with our Heavenly Family for eternity.

The Armor of God and the Atonement

Oops, I forgot that today is Friday.

Since I remembered, I have been going through my thoughts trying to come up with something Pioneer Day related and am basically drawing a blank on that. However, I would like to share something I learned recently.

I had the beautiful opportunity to go to the Special Needs Mutual and learn from them. While there a man was speaking and said "We were given two ears and one mouth. Probably so we could listen more and talk less."

As I pondered over this, I realized that when I pray I sometimes get caught up with doing all the talking and really, I can learn a lot more from my Father than He can learn from me. So I shut my mouth that night during my prayers and had one of the best conversations with Him I have ever had! After, I lay down to sleep, but my mind was ablaze. I learned a lot just from quiet reflection. I was taught about the Atonement and the power of the Armor of God.

image source

In the armor of God our feet are shod with Preparation, loins girt about with Truth, breastplate of Righteousness, Helmet of Salvation, Shield of Faith and the Sword of the Spirit. My thoughts mainly went to the helmet of Salvation. I had to give a talk in sacrament meeting when I was a youth, and I really didn't have much to say. I thought on that topic for a little bit, and this is what I learned.

Salvation breaks down to the word: Save. Who saves us? The Savior. How? Through the Atonement. Why is it the Helmet of Salvation? Because we need to keep our thoughts focused on the Atonement in order to be saved. We need to control our thoughts so they are always good and clean and uplifting so we can take part in the Atonement. Obviously we aren't perfect and need all facets of the Atonement, especially including repentance. I would go as far as to say that Repentance should be a part of the Armor of God. Maybe it is the "healing potion" or the "medic's bag" or something along those lines. Regardless of what it is, without repentance we have fallen down into a hole and we can't climb back out. Basically we need to keep our thoughts clean because all actions are born with a thought. If the thoughts reflect on the Atonement, then so will our actions.

I learned that our feet are shod with preparation, because preparation will take us places. If we have the appropriate foot wear, we can get a lot more accomplished than if we don't.

If our hearts are focused on righteousness like a breastplate we are less likely to do something wrong.

If we have the shield of faith, it wont matter what anyone else says, their negative words will be deflected because we have that strong faith.

With the sword of the Spirit we can cut evil asunder. The Spirit can pierce the heart like nothing else can.

The only one I don't really understand is loins girt about with truth. That is something I am going to have to study and learn more of. If any of you have insight on that I would love to hear it.

So basically I gained a better comprehension of the importance of the Armor of God, and I appreciate how it really is armor in a way that I have never understood before. I hope I can always listen more and talk less when it comes to communicating with our Heavenly Father... or any one for that matter.