Joyfully Living

When I arrived home from vacation, I had a pile of mail waiting for me. Mostly filled with ads and bills, something out of place caught my eye, the July/August 2010 issues of {LDS Living}.

In scanning the magazine, I found a brief article, Message of Joy, about a brother who was paralyzed from the waist down 20 years ago. One of the things Brother Rushton said really stuck out to me:

Not one of us can escape mortality. My challenge is very obvious, but everyone has their own unique challenges that are not as visible as mine. We can either go away from God and lose our faith, or adversity can bring us closer to Him.

I felt as though this was speaking to me. This life is not meant to be easy. Challenges and trials help us to grow; help us to see how we are weak and strong. We'll always have some kind of challenge in our lives and it is up to us how we react to them. Do we mope and complain about everything that's happening and wonder why? Or do we stand up, do what is right, and then learn and grow through the process?

Heavenly Father knows how many times I've chosen number one instead of two. I feel I difference when I choose the latter. I feel happier, healthier, and more in tuned with the part of me who has existed throughout the eternities.

The beauty of it all is that we have the choice of how to face our challenges/trials. It is up to us to choose who to serve... the adversary or the Lord.

A Little Taste of Job

I posted this yesterday on our family blog and thought I should share with y'all.

These past couple weeks have been dooseys. I've had a few health problems which all collided this week making it Job-worthy (at least to me). So here's the back story:

Problem 1---My knees.. and NECK? Go figure. I've always had bad knees; chalk it up to the genes (my mom and aunt both had knee surgery growing up). It really hasn't been a big deal; I get an occasional ache here or there and then it passes. Well, back in March my left knee started clicking when I went upstairs. I didn't think it was a big deal, until it started hurting. So, I scheduled an appointment with a Chiropractor. While I was there I mentioned a constant neck pain that I have; again I didn't think anything of it. They took x-rays of my knees and neck and found bone spurs in my knees and severe whiplash in my neck (FYI: never go on the Boomerang ride at Seven Peaks in Provo, UT---that's when I got my whiplash). WHAT? So much for being minor things; my chiropractor was more worried about my neck, so I currently go to the chiropractor once every two weeks because, frankly, that's all we can afford.

Since she didn't really do anything about my knees, I took that problem to our family practice doctor. I ended up getting MRIs around both knees. It showed no bone spurs (whew) but some kind of problem with both my meniscus and one ACL and it also showed the beginning stages of arthritis----great.... So he referred me to Physical Therapy. I've actually enjoyed it a lot; I've learned exercises to do at home and I'm in my last couple of weeks (good thing because we're going to Seattle next week...wow...next week...). The clicking is now occasional and I hope it goes bye-bye soon.

Problem 2----umm...well... I won't go into great detail with this one but I've had more issues with Annabelle, feeding her and clogging. For a couple of months I got into the pattern of getting a clot or two a week, thinking about calling my OBGYN and then the next day it'd go away. Finally, a couple weeks ago, I gave in and called her office. They wanted to see me IMMEDIATELY--- so after begging my amazing neighbor/friend to watch Jared for a couple more hours (thanks again) Belle and I were off to see the doctor. She took one look at me and said, yeah, you have an infection, but they took a sample just to be safe. A week later, just after finishing my first round of medications, her office calls and says the culture came back resistant to the medication I just finished so they are prescribing me a stronger one... great.... unfortunately... that leads to problem three... we think...

Problem 3----REALLY? In the middle of problem two, I get a weird leg rash. So I go to my dermatologist and he gives me more medications---- Yikes! That goes away after applying my meds for a day, so I stop, which is what he told me to do. This past Saturday, after romping around in a grass field for family pictures (stay tuned for those) I noticed at home, that I had a small allergic reaction around my armpits, so I take a benadryl and think nothing of it--- until it wakes me up in the middle of the night because I'm itching subconsciously. Sunday morning, it was bad, luckily I was able to cover it up for church and hope it didn't get worse. Greg and a friend gave me a blessing and it was the first thing that really helped all day. I felt like it would get better, and it did, before it got worse. By night fall, I had it on my legs too....and by the next morning it got larger on my arms and on my torso.

Nothing really helped the burning itching pain and it never went away. So, yesterday, I went back to the dermatologist. He determined that I'm having a reaction to my stronger antibiotic that I stared taking a couple days before the rash appeared. So, he gives me something to stop the reaction and tells me to stop taking the medicine. I call my OBGYN to get the okay to take my new medication while feeding Belle, and she gives me a new one for my infection---one that I'm not allergic to *crosses fingers*.

Mostly I'm typing this up because I want to document what I've been going through the past couple of months. I'm not doing it to complain (okay, maybe a little). I've had a hard time trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this, because I found myself thinking 'one of these things I can handle, but all of this, come ON!' I started to understand, even in the smallest form what Job had to have been feeling when trial after trial came his way. After starting to throw a pity party, I always found myself coming back to the Savior; it didn't help at all that our lesson was all about the Atonement.

Yeah, I've had worse pain. Ovarian cyst---worse. Labor--- WAY worse. But, in that moment I felt helpless because nothing was helping. Until I remembered the One person who's felt it all. Not only does he know exactly what physical pain I've been through, but also the emotional trials along with it. He can take it away. Yesterday, when I was having issues with all of this, I got I church gem in my inbox titled: "severe trials, supreme blessings" My first thought was, what? really? It was from President Uchtdorf's talk from last priesthood session. He was talking about the Kirtland era of Church History and how it was a time of great trial but also great blessings, he then said: " 'Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me' (D&C 88:63). As the Saints of Kirtland drew near unto the Lord, He truly did draw near unto them, pouring out the blessings of heaven upon the heads of the faithful."

Of course, the emotional basket case that I am, I cried as soon as I read that and said, 'message received.' I'll do my best, even though it may seem small, because I know I can get through what this life brings with my family, my faith, and the Lord by my side.

On "Happily Ever After"

At the General Young Women Meeting a few weeks ago, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave an inspiring talk called "Your Happily Ever After."

I felt like this talk slapped me on the forehead and yelled, "Pay attention! This is for you!"

Let me give some background: I read a lot. Like, a lot. (I've read 26 books since January 1st.) Since I've been diagnosed, I've used reading for its escapism-- choosing to run away to a book than deal with reality. And it works, for the most part. I get away, and I don't have to face anything difficult or trying.

This idea of life as a story really grabbed me. Here I was escaping to stories for comfort, and not living out my own. When Pres. Uchtdorf introduced his theme, he said:

...[I]n most languages there exists a phrase as magical and full of promise as perhaps any in the world. That phrase is “Once upon a time.”

Aren’t those wonderful words to begin a story? “Once upon a time” promises something: a story of adventure and romance, a story of princesses and princes. It may include tales of courage, hope, and everlasting love. In many of these stories, nice overcomes mean and good overcomes evil. But perhaps most of all, I love it when we turn to the last page and our eyes reach the final lines and we see the enchanting words “And they lived happily ever after.”

Isn’t that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?

I wrote that last sentiment in my notebook: "Don't we all desire to be the hero or heroine of our own life's story?"

My personal answer is YES! I want to be the heroine! I want to be Elizabeth Bennet, Anne Shirley, Emma Woodhouse, Cinderella, Clary Fray and, of course, Bella Swan. I want to be them all! I want an exciting story that builds, climaxes, and resolves with myself coming out the other end victorious.

But that victory has to be over something. You can't win if you're not even in a fight. Or if you're not even participating. Pres. Uchtdorf explained that all heroines must overcome adversity. We all must experience sadness and trials before achieving our "happily ever after."

But why? Pres. Uchtdorf answers: "The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter. Would the marathon runner feel the triumph of finishing the race had she not felt the pain of the hours of pushing against her limits? Would the pianist feel the joy of mastering an intricate sonata without the painstaking hours of practice?"

In addition, adversity teaches us lessons that we could not learn any other way. In this way, we gain wisdom, strength and depth of character that will aid us in victory.

Pres. Uchtdorf counsels:

My dear young sisters, you need to know that you will experience your own adversity. None is exempt. You will suffer, be tempted, and make mistakes. You will learn for yourself what every heroine has learned: through overcoming challenges come growth and strength.

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.

My life's story will be written about how I behaved when trials came my way. Did I shrink or run away? Did I stay and fight, refusing to be defeated? I'm choosing the latter. It's a tough choice when some days I feel like I'd rather just do nothing, but I'm going to fight and I'm going to overcome. I'm choosing courage over cowardice. And I think Elizabeth Bennet would do the same.

We Are the Lord's Work and Glory

This week I've been pondering on Moses 1:39 all week long that says," This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." In this scripture the Lord is speaking to Moses about the pre-earth life and the plan of salvation. This scripture is the capstone where the Lord tells Moses his purpose, the Lord's reason for doing anything that He does.

When I read this part of the Pearl of Great Price, I often picture myself in the Pre-Earth life, sitting down at the Heavenly desk of our Heavenly Father getting ready for my Pre-Earth life interview before I was able to cross the veil and be born into the life I have now. He tells me about my family and where I'll be going. I imagine while I sit at this desk my Heavenly Father and I go over what my strengths and weaknesses I have and what trials I will have to undergo while on earth to utilize my strengths and to overcome my weaknesses. I think of Him trying to lovingly explain how hard it is going to be and giving me promises that it will all be worth it and I can call on him whenever I need to. And I tell Him that I'm ready to go, and He says, "I know."

Every once in a while I think about that interview and think, "I signed up for this?" But then I remember how God and I made this plan together, and the whole purpose of it is to bring to pass my immortality and eternal life. And I remember that as I endure to the end, I become a part of His glory.

On Personalized Trials

To make a really long story short, I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, a chronic pain disease.

In my moments of anger, I think of how I’m only 25 and how incredibly unfair this whole thing seems. In my moments of clarity, I remember that this life is a life of trials and tests. And that God is in this with me, for the entire journey.

I know that God knows us as individuals and that He gives us trials for our good. (That's really hard to believe during some moments.) I also know that our trials are very personalized.

One night when I was feeling particularly beaten down and hopeless, my husband and I started talking about there are different kinds of trials (and pain)– physical, financial, mental, spiritual, etc. And it hit me.

And I just started cracking up! Laughing through my tears!

Of all the different kinds of trials, physical pain is the hardest for me to deal with. My husband and I named all those different kinds of trials and I was thinking, “Well, I wish it was a spiritual trial, that would be easy!”

I have been given a trial that is tailor-made for me. Physical pain is not something I handle well or with grace. And now, apparently, is my chance to learn.

Didn’t a General Authority somewhere along the line once say that we should love our trials? Something about appreciating the opportunity for growth and yada yada yada?

I don’t love this. Not even close.

But I know this difficulty will refine me-- smooth away my rough edges and bring me closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father. If I choose to react to my trial that way. Choose to treat it as an opportunity and not a burden.

(So far, it feels like a burden most of the time.)

I've been reading a lot of General Authority talks on trials and such, and I'd like to finish with a quote I found from Pres. James E. Faust that really helped me this week.

He said:

"Let us not presume that because the way is at times difficult and challenging, our Heavenly Father is not mindful of us. He is rubbing off our rough edges and sensitizing us for our great responsibilities ahead. May His blessings be upon us spiritually, that we may have a sweet companionship with the Holy Ghost, and that our footsteps might be guided along paths of truth and righteousness.

"And may each of us follow the Lord’s comforting counsel: 'Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days' (D&C 24:8)."

Compensated for Every Tear

I am truly amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. It is unbelievable how much pain one person can endure and still survive it somehow- that our bodies don't explode under all the pressure of it is truly miraculous.

I have heard the quote "you're stronger than you think you are", and this week I gained a personal testimony that it is true for every one of us. We really can deal with ANYTHING in this life, and still Christ endured more. And he didn't break under the pressure of it. His strength gives us the power to overcome our hardships without breaking too.

Every time I think I've reached my limit of what I can bear, I realize that I really am strong enough to bear whatever things I encounter in life, because God doesn't give us more than we can bear. If it WAS more than I could bear, what would I expect to happen to anyway? Even if I passed out from the stress, I would still be normal again eventually and will have passed through it.

I just feel so empowered by the Savior's atonement for me, and the knowledge that there really isn't anything I CAN'T bear with Him. Because everything "comes to pass" and eventually, I have passed through it, and I'm okay again.

I love the scriptures Joseph Smith wrote during his stay in Liberty jail under those awful circumstances. He offers up a pleading prayer to Heavenly Father, asking him "Where art thou??" And Heavenly Father's response is so kind and gentle, and reassuring. "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou enure it well, God shall exalt thee on high." Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8

I felt this the other night when my heart was heavy with some of the devastating news I've been dealing with for the past little while- I felt the Savior's reassurance that He understands, and that He is anxious to wipe away my tears and gather me into His arms when this life of pain and hardship is over.

If you haven't read "Come What May and Love it"- it was the last conference talk given by Elder Wirthlin before he died, Nov 2008 Ensign, and I highly suggest reading it again. My favorite quote from that talk is: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

And that concept that we will be blessed even for enduring hard things is beautiful to me.

Cast Away Not Therefore Your Confidence

It seems to me since the day I got married back in June my husband and I have had one hard thing after another happen to us, and not because of our relationship or our relationships with others, it was just stuff that we had no control over and just felt we had to sail through. My husband wasn't able to find a job that didn't make him work on Sundays, our finances we being stretched thinner and thinner with flat tires and medical bills, our ward seemed to forget we were even there and we went almost four months without a calling, and my job was getting more and more difficult and time consuming so that we weren't even seeing each other in the evenings when I came home.

These weren't very hard things to bear at first, but I got to a point where I just dreaded facing them everyday and they never really went away. And then around Thanksgiving we got the impression that we needed to start trying to have a baby. I was tempted to ignore it because logically it made no sense, we didn't have the means. But my mom always said, "You're never really ready for a baby no matter how much you plan." In short, Nate and I got pregnant right away. I was scared for a millisecond, but then a peace came over me that we did what we were supposed to and God would make it right.

About a week later, Nate got a job at Salt Lake Community College (where I work and I love it) and so he doesn't have to work weekends and they are flexible with his school schedule. He didn't even have to interview, they just called and asked if he wanted it. That same week, we got paid for some packing and moving work we did back in October out of nowhere, my boss got me some money for all the overtime I put in during our big projects, Nate's stipend for student government is twice as much money as we thought it would be, and my insurance issues were all worked out so that our medical bills were finally paid.

I am so filled with gratitude right now for a loving Father who gave me these trials. I see so many moments where I could have ignored promptings or gave in to temptations that would have made one or several of these blessings disappear. But we have received counsel from the Lord so many times that if we pray about something and we receive revelation we know that it is right, then it will always be right. I KNOW the Lord is fighting for me and will make it all work out.

I'm sorry so many of you are going through trials right now, and I know that they are much harder and more stressful than my own, but I know the Lord is preparing you to receive a blessing that will overshadow those trials in comparison. Have confidence in His Spirit to guide, or at times just to strengthen you, and God will continue working in the background to make it all right again.

I could say that having Christmas Eve and New Years Eve to write my Thursday post was just too hard, but the truth is that I just plain forget! Every week I remember come Sunday that I never posted on Thursday.
But thank you so much to all the ladies who have shared their thoughts this week. They have meant so much to me.
Tonight I was feeling very overwhelmed with life, and the state of the world, and all my loved ones who are struggling with trials. In fact, I am overwhelmed thinking about all those things very often. And I just feel like giving up. But after I had a good cry, I came in here and pulled up my homepage (which I have changed to the lds website so I have to see it every day!) and just started reading the article on the front page entitled "Hold On a Little Longer."
It is always amazing to me that Heavenly Father can find a way to speak directly to ME even though his apostle is speaking to a huge audience of people. Almost as if I know that God directed him to say those things because I needed it.
I then watched the beautiful Mormon Message entitled "The Infinite Power of Hope" taken from Elder Uchtdorf's talk a few conferences ago. That talk moved me when it was given, and today again it brought me to tears. I also enjoyed the ones called "Lifting Burdens" and "Choose this Day".
It is so refreshing to know that if we will just make the slightest effort to reach our hands out for God, He will always reach back, and pour out His love through any means He can. Today for me it was a simple effort to read an article online and watch those videos. In the deepest darkness of dispair, He always reaches out to me somehow. I can see how I am completely overwhelmed on the days I do not seek Him. It is true that we cannot make it through our adversity without the Savior. We are completely helpless without Him. I think it is that way so we will make the effort to reach out, and to seek for Him, because it is impossible to get through this alone.

On Personal Growth

I was reading the Ensign this week (the new and improved January issue) and I came across a quote by Neal A. Maxwell that I wanted to make sure no one missed.

He said:

"One's life... cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free....

"Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!'...

"Real faith... is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."

(Elder Neal A. Maxwell, "Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint in Your Minds," Ensign, May 1991, pp. 88, 90.)

I am personally going through a stressful, sorrowful and painful trial right now in my life. And while I try to be hopeful and remember that "all these things will be for my experience," I am tired of being stressed out and constantly fretful.

This quote really gave me reassurance and a little bit of much needed perspective. Life cannot be faith-filled and stress-free.

With that choice before me, I'll choose faith every time.

We Agreed

Better late than never right?
I've been thinking a lot about trials lately, and how kind Heavenly Father is in helping to prepare us for them. My greatest experience in this area was when I lost my first child, and I wanted to share some of the things I learned after going through that devastating loss.
First, I believe that everything we pass through is a unique mission and opportunity that was prepared for us before we came. I strongly feel that our challenges were presented to us in our premortal life, and that we agreed to and possibly volunteered for those things which would be difficult to go through. After J and I arrived at the hospital thinking we were going to bring home our brand new little girl, and they found there was no heart beat...I was overcome with a remembrance that this had been in the plan all along. In deed, I could literally remember my little Elizabeth asking me if I would offer to be her mother and help create her little body, even if she would not be able to stay, and I would not be able to raise her in this life. Knowing that I had volunteered to make this sacrifice for her was my greatest source of comfort in the following days of grief.
Second, I learned that Heavenly Father is there in our times of ease and prosperity, gently preparing us for what lies ahead. Just a few days before Elizabeth was born, J and I went to temple sqaure to watch the Joseph Smith movie in the Legacy theatre. I remember being overwhelmed with how many trials Joseph and Emma had to go through, and as we walked out of that movie I gazed up at the temple and wondered, "Why is my life so EASY??" I know that Heavenly Father was helping prepare me for my greatest trial so far. That night as we were driving home, I heard a little question being asked in my head, and turned to ask J. "If we lost this baby, would we still use the name we picked out?" We both agreed that of course we would use her name, and quickly changed the subject. I know that Elizabeth was there with us, and that she wanted to make sure she was going to keep her pioneer grandmother's name.
Third, I know that death is an amazing window of opportunity for families to come closer together, and for us to share our testimonies with everyone around us. When something so devastating happens, everyone around us is more softened and sensitive- and we have a great opportunity to get into their hearts with our words. The day we got home from the hospital without our little girl, we had several visitors. I felt so bouyed up by the spirits on the other side, that I was pouring out comfort and testimony of Heavenly Father's plan to everyone who came into our home. They were all so surprised that they had come to comfort us, but on the contrary, we were comforting them. I could feel the result of all the prayers being raised up in our behalf, and the strength of the spirits in our home was overwhelming.
Looking back, I am so amazingly thankful Heavenly Father trusted me with that great opportunity to be an instrument in his hands in creating a body for one of his perfect children. I am thankful that I'm able to use that experience to bear testimony of His awareness and love. He is very aware of what we are going through, and will go through- and we knew about it too. We just need to hold on to that, and know that we were chosen for our certain tasks before we ever came.

Wrestling with God Makes Your Soul Stronger

I am so sorry! I wanted to blog on Saturday, but our computer had a virus that was crippling our internet and we had to go get it wiped clean over the weekend. I just couldn't wait until this Saturday to share what I learned.

I'm reading a book we got from our wedding called Living a Covenant Marriage:Practical Advice from Thirteen Experts Who've Walked in Your Shoes which is a compilation of articles by prominent LDS authors with their soundest marriage advice. In it, there was a quote from Boyd K. Packer that says:

"We seem to be developing an epidemic of 'counselitis' which drains spiritual strength from the Church...That, some may assume, is not serious. It is very serious!... We have become very anxious over the amount of couseling that we seem to need in the Church. Our members are becoming dependent...If we are not careful we can lose the power of individual revelation...."

I know we've all either had the friend or have been the friend who has had the hard question in their life and asks everyone's advice about it. I have a friend right now that is struggling to pick a direction for her life. She wants everyone to tell her what school and what program she should enter, she keeps asking what she should do about a boy that she keeps dating and not dating and then dating again, and she wants to know where she should move to and when. I understand how difficult this part of her life must be. But I also know that she already has a lot of the answers she is looking for and I feel so sad that she doesn't trust herself just to follow through with them.

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.

Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out.

There is a great purpose in our struggle in life."

As always, there is sometimes a need for professional and/or medical help. But I learned a long time ago, hard times always come before the good times, and good times will always be followed by bad. But the joy of overcoming makes the journey exciting and intriguing. Enjoy the ride.

Our Test in Mortality

I generally have a thought that drives me during the week. This week I was very impressed with something Elder Robert D. Hales said in regards to challanges. It is easy to forget that we are not alone, and it is even more easy to get so wrapped up in our trials we forget to look heavenward for help. I hope this helps others as much as it touched me.

“Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). “We must remember that the adversary knows us extremely well. He knows where, when, and how to tempt us. If we are obedient to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, we can learn to recognize the adversary’s enticements. Before we yield to temptation, we must learn to say with unflinching resolve, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan’ (Matthew 16:23).

Robert D. Hales, “Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually,” Ensign, May 2009, 7

The Lord's Timing

Have you ever felt like you simply don't understand the Lord's will for you? When trials come into my life I often struggle to understand why. Lately I have begun to realize that we do not always need to know why we are given a specific trial to overcome. All we really need to do is have faith that the Lord knows best and he will guide you to where you need to be (at the right time). This talk by Dallin H. Oaks is excellent and I really encourage you all to read it! It is called, "The Right Thing, at the Right Time."

My favorite quote from this talk is the following:

“Since faith in the timing of the Lord may be tried, let us learn to say not only, ‘Thy will be done,’ but patiently also, ‘Thy timing be done.’ ”

The Lord's timing can sometimes be a frustrating thing, especially when your desires are in line with the teachings of the gospel. Since my miscarriage I have been struggling with why we haven't been blessed with a child. The Lord has commanded us to get married and multiply and replenish the earth, so why would the Lord make us wait? The answer is unclear and we may not understand the why until we pass through the veil, but I am finally beginning to understand that there are things I must learn before I will be the best mother I can be. The Lord knows us best, He knows what is best for each of us individually. Try to remember this in your trials. If you do it will be much easier to remain faithful and endure to the end.

Finding Hope

Today is a day that will always be in our memories. Some people don't like to remember because it causes them sadness. I, on the other hand remember this day and am filled with gratitude, peace, and humility. Our Heavenly Father loves us. We sometimes make poor decisions yet He still supports and blesses us if we but turn to him. I would like to share a video with you called Finding Hope which is about a man who describes his experience at the towers and how he was able to get through that tragedy with the help of his faith in Jesus Christ. It is 8 minutes, but well worth the watch.

O Lord, Wilt Thou Redeem My Soul?

Before I forget, let me introduce myself. My name is Ashley Sokia/Gordon (I'm still on the fence about changing my name since I was married last month). I was with Hna. Ferrell/Trish the Dish in the MTC before I went to the Pennsylvania Philadelphia mission. She had the opportunity to get to know me during, what I consider, one of the hardest and most beneficial experiences I have ever had and I think we've become soul sisters forever because of it.

Speaking of hard, and yet beneficial experiences, I wanted to share with you a short insight into Nephi's Psalm that I think can teach us alot about the principle of repentance.

Nephi's Psalm is found in 2 Nephi 4:16-35. During this time in Nephi's life, he has just lost his father who was his mentor and best friend. On top of that, he now has no way to control his two older brothers who have tried on many occasions to hurt and even kill him. And what does Nephi decide to do? He decides to repent. During the time when his world is falling apart, when it would be so easy to blame others and be angry, he goes to the Lord and asks him to redeem his soul from the temptation to linger longer in sorrow. He goes to the Lord knowing that in his repentance, he will find joy.

When you cross-reference this scripture with the hymn book, the hymn that it links up to is number 98 "I Need Thee Every Hour." It brings tears to my eyes to think of Nephi, in the depths of despair, kneeling in prayer saying, "I need thee, oh, I need thee. Every hour, I need thee! Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee."

Repentance is real. It is turning to our Savior and asking him to save us from ourselves. Without repentance, we carry our burdens unnecessarily. I testify that it is in daily repentance we can all find peace and rest in our lives.

The name is Ashley, but you can call me Tuesday

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

I feel honored to have been invited to contribute here and hope I can share some thoughts that will uplift-- or at least, get you thinking.

Trish (may I call you Trish?) suggested that I use today's post to introduce myself, so... here it goes.

I got here (to this blog, not the world) through Amber (Wednesday), my best friend/cousin-in-law. We met when we were 13, and were nearly inseparable all through high school and college, until she married my cousin after our sophomore year at BYU. Now we're linked for eternity!

Right now, I'm a SAHM to a beautiful, blue-eyed, little girl who will be 1 later this month. While my husband is in chiropractic school, we are living in St. Louis, Missouri, about 20 minutes from where I grew up.

My passions include being a wife & mother, reading, baking and crafting (though I don't pretend to be an expert in any of those things). Other things I love include fireworks, french fries, lemonade, new socks and the St. Louis Cardinals. I'm working on improving (as in, saying) my morning prayers, not complaining, and letting things go (I can be a bit of a perfectionist).

That all being said, I'd like to share with you one of my favorite quotes.

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do what's best for us; we are wondering how painful that will turn out to be."
--C.S. Lewis

Having faith is knowing that God is in control. But there is a part of me (since I'm human and averse to pain), that thinks, "I know God has a plan for me, but what exactly does that plan entail? How many fires am I going to have to walk through?"

I trust in Heavenly Father and follow Him to the best of my ability, but I'm sometimes nervous! There is a caveat in the phrase, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." The path He has set for us is strait (not straight), narrow (see 3 Nephi 14:14), and, I would imagine, winding. Strait, in this case, actually means difficult or stressful. That does not sound like a trail I would choose for myself, yet I did, in the premortal life!

To summarize, God's plan for us as individuals is going to be difficult, stressful, and occasionally painful, but our loving Heavenly Father is in control. How comforting that is. He knows all, including our abilities and what's best for us. He knows that a difficult path will test us and mold us into the people He needs us to be. The people that we want to be!

I put one foot in front of the other every day with Him guiding me, step by step. There are no promises of ease or comfort, but there are promises of eternal life and a place in His sight. Ultimately, the rewards outweigh the price. And as long as I put my trust and faith in Him who leads me, I know I'll gain mine.

It Was More Temple Than Prison

"Tonight’s message is that when you have to, you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in any situation you are in. Indeed, let me say that even a little stronger: You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced."

I know that I no longer teach Sunday School, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to prepare my own versions of the lessons before I go to church and see what they have in store. If you are reading this before (or even after) you have the lesson titled, "O God, Where Art Thou?" I would suggest reading the talk that Jeffrey R. Holland gave in a CES fireside in September of 2008 titled, "Lessons from Liberty Jail." This is where I found the opening quote that is written above.

I'm not going to go into great detail about the happenings at Liberty Jail or the time surrounding it, but I will say that I believe this period of time to be one of the hardest in Church History as well as the hardest time in the Prophet Joseph Smith's life. But it also led to my favorite sections in the Doctrine and Covenants (121-123). At the opening of Section 121, Joseph is having what I call a "God is picking on me" moment. It's gotten to the moment where he feels that he and the Saints have suffered enough and they should be seeing some miracles in response to their faithfulness. I'm not trying to trivialize what is being said, I'm personally identifying with it. While moments like this can be interpreted to be prideful or indignant, I like to see them as the end of the humility fuse. God understands our frustrations, He understands everything. So within the walls of Liberty Jail, we see a beautiful transformation in Joseph's understanding of God. He finds spiritual liberty in a physical jail. And isn't that true of life's purpose itself? Instead of chastising Joseph, He speaks to him as any loving Father would. "I am here. This will pass. All will be made right."

It is in times like these, in trials like these in which all of us can truly come to know our Father in Heaven. Where we can feel the constant presence of the Holy Ghost. In our hardest trials we are given the opportunity to come to know our Savior on a deeper level than any other.

"...these revelations “made Liberty jail, for a time, a center of instruction. The eyes of the saints were turned to it as the place whence would come encouragement, counsel—the word of the Lord. It was more temple than prison, so long as the Prophet was there. It was a place of meditation and prayer. … Joseph Smith sought God in this rude prison, and found him” (B. H. Roberts, A Comprehensive History of the Church, 1:526).

Trusting in the Lord

In the last year, the church set up a 'Mormon Messages' channel on You-Tube. If you haven't had the chance to check it out, do! This week, I've been thinking a lot about the Lord's purpose for us. Our lesson this upcoming Sunday is about Zion's Camp. Originally, these men believed they were marching to Missouri to avenge this misplaced saints and take back the land that was rightfully theirs. The Lord was with them the whole way, but because of the Saints' lack of understanding the Law of Consecration, Zion's redemption was to be in 'a little season' (see D&C 105).

Some of the members of Zion's camp, and the Saints they were coming to help, were upset about this revelation; why did they have to suffer when they were trying to live righteously? They did not understand that the Lord had a different timetable for them. His true purpose of Zion's Camp was to test and strengthen the faith of the Church's future leaders. Nine of the twelve original apostles and all of the members of the seventy marched on Zion's Camp. That is no concidence.

I guess my point is that the Lord's timetable is the one we should be looking for. We may think we're ready, or not ready, for something to happen but the Lord has purposes behind when certain events come to pass. A lot of families can relate to the family in this video; myself---to a certain degree---included. When it's the hardest for us to do, we need to step back and say what am I learning from this trial? The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves; he knows what we need as this moment to learn and grow. We just need to trust in Him and everything will work out for our benefit.